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people would hate me if they knew and I ve been so scared people would find out. Now that
Tommy had started, he couldn t seem to stop the words.
Soldier knew not to touch the boy, but he gestured for them to follow him into the front room.
Soldier and Dillon settled on a rickety old couch and let Tommy choose where he wanted to be.
The boy settled on the floor in front of them, facing them and his fears head on.
Tommy was braver than he thought, Soldier decided.
Tommy started again, and didn t stop until he d told them a horror story about the men his
mother brought home and how they were allowed to use him when they wanted.
I begged her over and over. I cried sometimes a lot really. It didn t do any good. Nothing
mattered to her but making the men happy. Tommy s eyes filled. Soldier also noted the sneer
when he said the word men.
I don t know why so many of the men she was with wanted to do that to me, but it was like I
was nothing to her. Now Tommy s head bowed and it seemed a clear indication of the way his
mother had made him feel less of a person. Tommy wouldn t face them now, his retelling of his
history making him feel again that he was worthless.
Soldier was so afraid of saying the wrong thing that he said nothing. He prayed for the
knowledge to do and say what this young man needed.
Tommy went on with his story. It seemed the last man was the worst. He did things to Tommy
that no child, no person, should ever have to endure. Tommy was amazingly strong as he talked
about the atrocities he had lived through. He shook, though. A fine tremor riddled his body as he
continued. Soldier wanted to hold Tommy, calm him, find some way to ease his mind, but he felt
so inadequate. Tommy told them, pretty graphically, what had been done to him and how he
finally just couldn t take it any more and ran. How he had managed to get to the shelter, he didn t
even remember. That was fraught with just as many bad memories.
Dillon spoke up, which gave Tommy a break. Tommy watched closely as Dillon explained how
he got Tommy at the house. When he d arrived at the shelter, they sent him to Daniel, who must
have realized that he was a special boy and would never make it in the foster care system. He had
been too hurt, too scared, to be sent from place to place, not knowing where he was going. Daniel
had arranged for him to go with Dillon and it had been days before Tommy even spoke. It had
taken him months to get where he was now.
Soldier watched Tommy as Dillon explained the situation. It didn t seem to bother him that
Dillon was discussing his life.
Tommy sat still. It was painfully obvious that he expected the worst from his dejected stance,
shoulders slumped, head down.. He looked up and his eyes widened as he stared at Soldier and
Dillon, whose hands were clasped so tightly together that the knuckles were turning white. There
were tears on both of their cheeks.
Tommy looked like he didn t know what to do.
I m sorry. I didn t mean to make you mad... or upset. I knew I shouldn t tell... ever. Now you
can t stand me. I ll leave if you want. I won t...
Tommy? Soldier began, in a voice roughened by the tears in his throat. He d thought Gom s
story was bad, and it was, but this young man s bravery in getting out, and his fear of all things
male, made Soldier admire him so much for living in this house and going on like he did.
Yeah... uh... yes, sir? I know it s ugly to talk about. I shouldn t have...
Honey, will you sit up here between us? I promise not to touch you in any way, although I d
love to hug you and tell you what a great kid I think you are. Dillon and I both think you were
brave to have lived through all that and come out as good a boy as you are. We don t think you re
bad at all. Soldier hoped someday Tommy would want to be touched again. He was such a super
kid.
Soldier s voice was stronger now as he made the solemn vow, As long as I have anything to say
about it, no one will ever hurt you again. I will personally stand between you and anyone who
wants to hurt you. I already promised to teach you how to defend yourself. That s a promise. I
don t break my promises.
Tommy stood and took a step toward them, then another. They dropped their hands Soldier s
were nearly numb now and Dillon s must have been, too and Tommy gingerly sat on the edge
of the couch between them.
Dillon turned a little to face the boy. He so clearly wanted to reach out to Tommy and give him
some comfort. He didn t seem to know what to do for those few minutes.
Dill?
Yeah, Tommy? Dillon answered softly.
Do you want me to leave? I will. I don t want the other boys to be around me if you think...
I m... you know... dirty... or... Tommy stopped when he heard the strange sound that Dillon
made.
Tommy, please. Don t even think of leaving. You are so important to our group here. You re so
special, so loving. You help with the little ones and I have come to rely on you more than I
should, I know.
Tommy was the oldest and he naturally got relegated to helping with the little ones. Dillon had
obviously thought it made the boy feel needed.
Now that Soldier is here, he can take on some of the things you ve been doing, and you can go
back to being just a boy. I count on you. I think you re just a wonderful kid and nothing you ve
told me has made me think any less of you. Instead of thinking of you as dirty, I think of you as
our light. Your goodness just shines and you don t even know it.
I really want you to believe what I m going to say next. It s important. That stuff is in your past,
gone, done. You ve told us, and we still think you re great. We think you belong here with us. Do
you think maybe now you ll be able to put it behind you a little?
Before Tommy could answer, Dillon spoke again. Another thing, tell me the truth now. Is it
going to be a problem for you knowing what Soldier and I feel for each other? I m so sorry that
you were... uh... freaked out earlier tonight. I don t want you to be uncomfortable in any way in
this house.
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